Thursday, May 13, 2010

Being Extra Careful!!!

Before using any kind of product, we ought to make sure we read the instructions and warnings very carefully - or we may be seriously misled!

After a lengthly instruction on how to heat the bottle:
Hungry Jack Lite Syrup
(If it isn't, it means you're not even capable of heating a bottle, you dumbass, so read the instructions again.)

This is NOT a life saving device!!!
Life saving device
(It's a life puzzling device.)

Warning: May cause drowsiness
Nytol Sleep Aid
(But it's an outside chance, really, so don't worry about it.)

Warning: Cape does not enable user to fly.
Unknown Batman Costume
(Of course it doesn't: since when does Batman fly?! Every child knows that. Man, you suck.)

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
Child-Sized Superman Costume
(Ok, now we're talking! Still: the cape does not enable Superman to fly either. These guys should read a comic book or something.)

Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.
Unknown Christmas Lights
(Beware: do NOT use these in third dimensions!)

Warning: Do not attempt to swallow.

Unknown Mattress
(You gotta chew it 36 times first and THEN swallow.)

To open: 
1. Tear off perforated sides A & B 
2. Pull off at arrow. 
Blockbuster Giftcard
(How baffling! God forbid I should ever get one of these for my birthday.)


Do not use as an ice cream topping.
Unknown Hair Coloring
(Unknown Ice Cream Topping warning: "Do not use as hair coloring")

Caution: Contents may catch fire.
Unknown Matches
(In case it doesn't, rub two stones together, causing friction, until they catch fire. Then, light the matches.)

State Prison: Do Not Stop for Hitchhikers
Interstate 10, Near Phoenix, AZ
(People of little faith, jeez...)

Warning to tourists: don’t laugh at the natives.
Highway 26, Idaho Falls, Idaho
(Who the hell are these jackass tourists?!) 

The sign reads, “Ignore this sign”.
Unknown Location
(I sure will!)

Some assembly required.
Unknown 500-piece puzzle
(Only some. You gotta assemble the castle pieces, but you needn't assemble the garden ones.)

Description reads “WARNING – May cause cancer in California”
(That explains Christina Applegate. I do wish she had read the instructions.)


Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Swedish Chainsaw
(I'm rendered speechless.)

Taken from:
(Yes, there are many more where these came from! I strongly recommend checking the site, cool indeed!)


RicAdeMus said...

Don't know where to start, except to say I love your sense of humor.

I've always assumed that warnings are the result of some moron actually having done something stupid and then sued the company. That explains the warning on irons to not iron clothes while wearing them...or not using a hair dryer while in the tub.

But hair coloring as ice cream topping? Stopping a chainsaw with genitals? {Note: Maybe that was just the excuse the wife gave afterwards--I wasn't trying to hurt my husband, I just wanted to stop the chainsaw!}

I'm embarrased by how slow I was this time. =)

Rml said...

LOL, thnx!

Yeah, I'd always assumed that too - but I guess that, when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me XD (this sentence is so bad that it's actually good...). But indeed, nothing, and I mean NOTHING, justifies "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".

And don't worry: u still beat everybody else to the punch! (It does help that half of my followers are on the other side of the globe, and hence sleeping! =P)

RicAdeMus said...

Haha (nothing justifies)!!!

I had another thought about heating the pancake syrup--I thought heating plastic released cancer-causing chemicals??? I don't know if you ever use the stuff, but if you do, heat in a bowl or juice glass.

I hope this isn't evil, but I was laughing when the guys were escorted out of the stadium.

Rml said...

Yeah, it DID occur to me, the thing about heating plastic! But actually, I don't use syrup - not many pple do, here in Brazil (we have to import it, and it's quite expensive! And very few pple actually eat pancakes the way u guys do...). Well, maybe then the "it may cause cancer" warning shuold've come with the syrup, and not with the roll-a-hose!

You were laughing???? Man, that's just mean... tsk tsk tsk...

RicAdeMus said...

I was a lumberjack for Halloween when I was 17--ax and all! How did I end up an accountant??? =)

I couldn't have a list of great blogs without your's!

RicAdeMus said...

Somewhere along the way I mentioned I like old expressions that are not used much anymore--and that every time I say that I can't think of any!!! So when that one popped up I wanted to share it.

After I got rid of the bird I went back tot he laundry room for my son. He was standing there in the dark, worried the light might attract the bird. =)

Didz-W said...

lol! that's hilarious! love it girl! least i'm not as dumb as that..hehe (proud to be meself!) miss u girl!