Sharing Your Life (or: On The Small Things)

M.H.: "And how's the married life?"

Me: "Going great, thanks!"

M.H.: "Have you quarreled yet?"

Me: "Yes, of course."

M.H.: "Good. Had you said you hadn't, I wouldn't believe it."

I lived with my parents, with my grandma, with my dad and stepmother, my grandma again, by myself, with Roomie, and now with my boyfriend. The last one is definitely a different experience.

I've learned I'm a hard one to please. Examples:

I'm very disorganized, and usually leave half of my wardrobe either on the bed or on a chair before going to work in the morning. I was worried he might complain - but he couldn't care in the slightest. This is both a relief and infuriating. "Good, I'm glad he doesn't mind... phew! (...) How on Earth can he not care? This is outrageous, it should bother him!"

He's at the computer doing something, and I get annoyed that he doesn't suggest we do something together. And whenever I'm at the computer and he talks to me or suggests we do something, I get annoyed too: "Can't he see I'm busy? If I wanted to do something else I'd say so!"

When he doesn't do the dishes, I complain. And when he does see to the dishes, I sigh, irritated: "Well, he's done the dishes, so now I have to sweep, can't guilt trip him into doing it. Great, thanks a lot."

I'm nothing if not unfair. 

He doesn't do everything I want him to, when I want him to - I'm an only child, it's really hard to cope with that! However, even though I have several shortcomings, he puts up with all of them, and I'm never afraid he might like me less if I do something wrong. I'm VERY cranky, but still he likes me. It's nothing short of a miracle. 

True, many small things annoy me. I always stumble upon his shoes, in the middle of the bedroom; the soda is always out of the refrigerator, and he never remembers to fill the water jug; the pizza cardboard box will remain on the stove for days, unless I do something about it. 

But my clothes are all over the bedroom, I spend too much money buying books, and I leave my laundry completely up to him. And I PMS. Every goddamn month. 

Still, do you hear him complaining? Neither do I. 

Quarreling is normal - but it's important not to quarrel over that which is insignifcant. Raising hell because one of you forgot to take the trash out is insane.

If you don't let small things slide, you'll never be able to deal with the big ones. So whenever I go to the bathroom, I simply lower the toilet seat and screw the toothpaste cap back on, without a word or an annoyed frown. When he goes to the bathroom, he sweeps my ubiquitous hair off the floor. When there's a glass on the table, we take it to the sink, and it doesn't matter who left it there. We simply wash it and move on. 

I think I'm on to something here.