Sunday, January 22, 2012

Guilty Pleasures III

2. Twilight
Don't even know what to say here. I'm terribly ashamed of myself. The story sucks, the characters suck (BAD), and the writing is appalling. I refuse to acknowledge that Meyer's got the same college degree I do: English. I say bullshit.
Ok: Edward Cullen is extremely charming, once you get past the whole “I wanna drink your blood, and I watch you sleep every night” thing. His family can also be quite interesting: Carlisle is very easy to like, as are Alice and Emmet. Esme is completely null, of course. And Rosalie is made to be hated. Jasper is also meant to secretly be the bad-ass of the family, which is why he's my favorite.
Jacob is a cutie too. (And talk about abs, huh?) 
All of that, however, occurred to me only at first. I finished the 4th book with a whole “wow, that was a great story, if you overlook the vampire-absurdities and bad sentence constructions!” Two days later I stopped to think about it; suddenly, I was all “Wtf did I just read? Did I actually pay money for that shit?! Oh dear God, Heaven forbid people know I read THAT.” Hindsight is a bitch.
Edward treats Bella like a retarded child all the way; besides, he's ridiculously over-dramatic. And yes, I know, he's supposed to be 17. Teenagers are dramatic. But actually, he's a 100-year-old 17-year-old. He's been around for more than a century. I think, think, that's time enough for one to grow up, right? Like, he should be an old soul, in the body of a 17-year-old guy. Instead, he acts and talks like a 15-year-old girl. What's up with that? And the other Cullens, even the cool ones like Jasper, don't have any other layer to them. They're shallow, all made up of one or two characteristics only: Carlisle is prudent, Esme is gentle; Emmet is strong, and Rosalie a bitch; Alice is the fashion-crazy chick who can see the future and Jasper, the silent one; Edward, of course, is all kinds of royalty: prince charming and a drama queen; Jacob, the loyal guy, with an acute case of unrequited love. That's it, and that's all. They don't have anything else, there's nothing more than meets the eyes. There's no character development, not even for Bella, who's supposed to be the heroine! If there's no character development, your story's devoid of any kind of meaning, just so you know, Meyer.
You know what else bugs me? The amount of make-up on the Cullen family, dear God! And their hair, what's wrong with their hair?! If they needed blond people, why didn't they cast blond people, instead of Peter Facinelli (as Carlisle), Jackson Rathbone (as Jasper) and Nikki Reed (as Rosalie)??? Just take a look at the pictures linked and see for yourselves. It's like Jessica Alba being cast as the Invisible Woman all over again. Yes, she's gorgeous, but is she blond? *sighs*
And do NOT get me started on Bella. I know many girls relate to her and all, but when you're older than 20, you can see that girl's utterly retarded. And Kristen Stewart's horrible job as Bella has done nothing whatsoever to improve the character. She's, like, Hayden Christensen's female counterpart.
And yet, I know all of that. Cause I read the books. And at the time, enjoyed them *facepalm*
AND, and: the birth scene in Breaking Dawn Part 1 is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. 


Ricademus said...

I don't know what to say either.

Rml said...

I know, right? On hindsight, this should've been listed as #1. This has to be my guiltiest quasi-pleasure, for sure.