Having Nightmares with Disney (or:10 Creepy Disney Moments) - Part 2

If you've missed the first part of this list, you can check it out here!

5. Pocahontas: “Savages”

Released in 95, Pocahontas was NOT the success Disney staff expected. And I know why.

Because Pocahontas and John Smith are BOOOOORIIIING. The raccoon Meeko, the hummingbird Flit and Percy the pug are way more interesting. The talking tree makes me yawn, and chief Powhatan leaves much to be desired in the "princess's father" category (Powhatan is not funny, with his "steady as the beating drum" talk. Snooze fest!). And Pocahontas' best friend is a bitch. An honorable mention is due to the young British settler Thomas, who is endearing and the only character in the movie to feel that genocide might be wrong. Also noteworthy: he was dubbed by none other than a young Christian Bale. 

"I'M BATMAN"

But the visual and the soundtrack are very superior to the film. And the song “Savages”, in particular, that shows both British settlers and native Americans preparing themselves for war, is spectacular:

This sequence is great, the music is impressive, but singing about genocide is... dark; definitely not a movie to be watched around Thanksgiving, if you ask me!

Another thing that did not help the movie (for me) was Mel Gibson dubbing John Smith. You can hear the crazy in his voice!

"...and that's how the Jews killed Our Lord and Savior."

In the end, Disney makes settlers and native Americans happily helping each other.

4. The Princess and the Frog: Dr. Facilier's death

In 2004, Disney promised not to make any more traditionally animated movies – thank God they went back on their word and released The Princess and the Frog in 2009.

The film introduces the first-ever African-American Disney princess, and it takes place in New Orleans in the 20's, with lots of voodoo, jazz and Cajun accent.

When the villan, the voodoo witch doctor Facilier (love child of Cruella de Vil and Cap. Hook), fails to fulfill his part in the agreement he had with the voodoo powers that be, (his “friends on the other side”), punishment does not tardy:

“Pompompompompom ARE YOU REEAAADY?” Oh. Dear. God. Those little voodoo dolls coming out of the ground, Facilier's desperate face – printed forever on a pillar – plus the chanting all make for a real nightmare.

Once again: chanting never helps.

3. The Black Cauldron : The Horned King's death

Never heard of this movie or don't quite remember it? That's because Disney does not want you to remember this flop from 85.

Based on the book series The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander, the movie is about young “assistant pig-keeper” Taran, who must stop the Horned King (very Ring Wraith looking, by the way) from getting the Black Cauldron, which can give him a legion of undead soldiers. This film and The Hunchback of Notre Dame are considered to be Disney's darkest movies ever. Not to mention the story is, frankly, a mess.

And this movie was SO dark that drastic cuts had to be made before its release; one of the deleted scenes, for example, showed a man's flesh being dissolved by a deathly mist (not pretty, but if you want you can see it here), while another displayed one of the undead soldiers killing a man by slicing his neck and torso. Nice. These cuts were so abrupt that they even left a perceptible jump in the soundtrack.

But even after cutting the strongest scenes, the reception was not good, loosing at the box office to the likes of the first Care Bears movie. (!) 

Aaaaaaand here is the scene where the Horned King dies, sucked into the Black Cauldron.

 Lovely scene.

2. Fantasia: “Night on Bald Mountain”

Fantasia was a grand project, but not a lucrative one.

The timing for it was bad: releasing a movie in the midst of the Second World War (Fantasia was released in 1940) meant not being able to count on the European market; and as it had been a very expensive movie to make, the studio did not have the necessary profit to cover the expenses it'd had. The movie was said to be a  “remarkable nightmare”. One critic said it was “for adults and very nerdy kids”.

Since I've always been very nerdy, I LOVED Fantasia when I was a kid. Except for the “Night on Bald Mountain” segment. It shows the demon Chernabog summoning evil spirits and hellish beasts at midnight; they all dance and fly across the air, only stopping upon hearing some Ave Maria chanting in the distance, along with the sun rise.

Another item on my “fast-forward list”. It terrifies me to the very core of my soul until this day. And though I find it fascinating nowadays, it's so grotesque I think wouldn't let my kids watch it before they were, I don't know, 15.

1. The Hunchback of Notre Dame: “Hell Fire”

This 96 movie is, beyond the shadow of a doubt, a horrible adaptation of Victor Hugo's book The Hunchback of Notre Dame – but BOY is it an excellent film! 

The story is good if you don't think of the original book, the visual is dazzling, and the soundtrack basically told many other Disney songs they could suck it.

But Hunchback is too dark: Quasimodo is tortured by the Parisians, Esmeralda is way too sexy, the 15^th century Catholicism is to heavy for a child to really understand, and even the vocabulary used might be beyond some children's grasp sometimes. No wonder they released Hercules the following year, a bunch of sparkly colorful nonsense.

But Judge Claude Frollo's moral dilemma, torn between his religious duty and devotion and his lust for Esmeralda, is the scariest aspect of the movie (starting at 0:42):

I must say: one doesn't understand what Frollo's actually going through here till after one's puberty. 

Frollo is guilty of religious hypocrisy, lust, attempted genocide, psychological oppression, murder and what has to be The Most Demented Disney Song Ever. 

Creepy lecherous old man.  

Having Nightmares with Disney (or: 10 Creepy Disney Moments) - Part 1

I'm not ashamed to say out loud that, though I'm pushing 30, I still love Disney movies, and cry each time I see Aladdin freeing the Genie or Mufasa dying and Simba trying to wake him up.

It beats Bambi's mother's death anytime. [sobs]

Disney movies are extremely beautiful, animation and story-wise, not to mention the breathtaking soundtracks. And the children can usually learn something from it.

Usually, not always. Signing pacts with the devil doesn't exactly scream filial obedience.

Nevertheless, sometimes Disney awards us with scenes and/or songs that are truly nightmare-fuel. After all, sleeping soundly is totally overrated.

10. Tangled: “Mother Knows Best [Reprise]”

I LOVED Tangled! It's a great movie with great soundtrack and characters (specially the über charming Flynn Ryder, and I'd been waiting for so long for another captivating Disney princess like Rapunzel) and does not fail to entertain. It's simply adorable.

Rapunzel's been locked in a tower for her whole life of 18 years. When runnaway dashing thief Flynn Ryder breaks into the tower to flee from the law, the girl sees in him the opportunity she needs to leave and make her dream come true: see the floating lanterns that appear in the night sky on her birthday every year.

As I said, it's an adorable movie. IF you don't count the scene when the witch who pretends to be Rapunzel's mother, Mother Gothel, finds Rapunzel in the forest and puts her DOOOOOOOWN.

 “Why would he like you, come on now, really? Look at you! You think that he's impressed?” Jeez. That's exactly the kind of mother that pushes their 15-year old daughters in the direction of anorexia.

9. The Beauty and the Beast: “The Mob Song”

Released in 91, this was the studio's biggest hit since the 40's. It also made history by being the first animation to ever be nominated for an Academy Award of Best Picture (back when the nominees amounted only to 5). It was nominated for Best Original Song as well, for 3 different songs (“Belle”, “Be Our Guest” and “Beauty and the Beast”), taking the award with “Beauty and the Beast” AND for Best Original Score.

Belle is the only person to have ever taken the risk to get to know the Beast, and they fall in love. But the villagers, as good villagers always do, decide to march to the Beast's castle with torches and pitchforks.

Gaston is not so great a villain, he's much more of a jerk, really. BUT he casts a whole new light upon himself while leading the villagers. The line “We don't like what we don't understand” is very medieval and always current. Collective hysteria can be terrifying.  

8. The Little Mermaid : Ursula's death

Disney had been having a bad time up to 89, with their movies underperforming at the box office; but upon the release of The Little Mermaid, what is today known as the “Disney Renaissance” began, i.e., it was the beginning of a new golden era for animated movies: unforgettable classics for the audiences and astronomic profit for the studio. (It ended in 99 after Tarzan. In my opinion, it's no surprise.)

The story is great (albeit greatly distorted from the original tale) score and songs are addictive ("undah tha sea, undah tha sea, dahling it's bettah, down where it's wettah, take it from me!"), Ariel is charismatic, Eric is the first prince to have not only a name but also a personality...

Yes, nameless bland Cinderella prince, I'm looking at you.

...Sebastian, Flounder and Scuttle are great sidekicks, and Ursula is a fantastic villain, specially in her scary-but-fascinating looks.

And the way she dies is just plain frightening.

When I was a child and watched this on tape, I'd always fast-foward it, cause I was shit scared of this scene. Dying impaled is already quite ugly, but the added lightnings, her skeleton and her tentacles wrapping around the ship are the cherry in a cake of sheer horror.

7. Dumbo: Dumbo and Timothy Drunk

Dumbo (1941) lasts for mere 65 minutes, and it's gotta be one of Disney's most charming and unpretentious movies ever.

The baby elephant Dumbo suffers bullying from everybody around him (animals and people alike), because of his ginormous ears. But when he learns to fly using those ears (with the help of some offensively stereotyped crows), he quickly becomes the main attraction in the circus. And they all lived happily ever after.

But before living happily ever after there was this petrifying scene when Dumbo and his mouse mentor Timothy get accidentally drunk, after drinking water mixed with champagne.

I used to fast-forward it as well. I mean, dude: There's an elephant made of other elephants, and its eyes become pyramids, and from behind them comes a camel-elephant that turns into a serpent that turns into an odalisque, and her belly turns into an eye! This must be the devil! And their CHANTING “pink elephants on parade” really doesn't help.

6. The Lion King: “Be Prepared”

Released in 94, this movie remains as one of the studio's biggest successes ever – and it still is one of the most lucrative animated movies in history. Another record: Mufasa's death, plotted by his brother Scar, is definitely one of the saddest Disney scenes ever, and it must've made thousands of kids cry around the globe at the same time.

Besides the amazing score and soundtrack by Elton John, a Hamlet touch to a great plot, Darth Vader talking to Ferris Bueller through the clouds and a Mr. Miyagi baboon, The Lion King also stands out for having one of the darkest songs, showing Scar and the hyenas' ambition.

That surely is a very accurate recreation of Hell. Everything in green and red, bones and decomposing carcasses everywhere... *shivers*. Notice the fact that Scar basically kills a hyena, making it fall into one of those hellish fissures! And the evil-faced hyenas marching is the epitome of nazi terror. In the end, they all rise as if from Hell. And though this can be quite frightening, I just can't help loving this song, it's very catchy!

I can't help loving Jeremy Irons, either. Jeremy, please marry me. 

To be continued...

Guilty Pleasures IV

1.Dawson's Creek

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past 14, you must've at least heard of this show. It was one of the most popular teenager tv shows ever. Instead of having an incestuous group of rich teens, you had an incestuous group of teenage small-towners – with a vocabulary range to put to shame a Nobel winner.

Place: Capeside. Your (so-called) protagonist: 15-year-old Dawson, an only child and movie buff; his best friends are Joey, a sulky girl whose dad is in jail, and Pacey, the local ne'er-do-well. And to disrupt this already disfunctional little group comes Jen, a large-breastedblonde from the big city – she's seen and done it all!

The story: Joey likes Dawson, Dawson likes Jen; Pacey likes the teacher; now Jen likes Dawson, but Dawson's dating Joey; they break up; Joey and Dawson are back together, and break up; the new character Jack finds out he's gay; Dawson finds out Joey and Pacey are together now and flips; their friendship's over; Dawson makes his infamous “crying face”; Pacey and Joey break up; they all go to college, except Pacey – he becomes a cook. (?)

Dawson's dad dies, and because of that he can't be with Joey (??); she dates a bunch of guys, including the one from One Tree Hill; somehow, Joey's become the protagonist of the series; Dawson sleeps with Jen; Pacey becomes a stock broker. (???); Pacey and Joey get back together, and break up again. Dawson and Joey finally sleep together, but it doesn't work.

Big finale: Dawson's the director of his own teenage series; Pacey goes back to being a cook, and gets back with Joey forever; Jen dies of a heart condition she's always had, but that no one had ever mentioned before. But that's fine, cause Jack's the guardian of her child (????).

That's the story of the entire 6 seasons.

One of the things that has always amazed me is this: Dawson was the hero, and it all boiled down to the big question: who will he choose? Jen or Joey? And then somehow, either because Dawson was annoying and vanilla or because the actor James Van Der Beek did a terrible job (and was too old to be playing a teenager), at some point along the way Joey became the protagonist, and the big question turned into: who will she choose? Pacey or Dawson?

But the something that bothers me above all else is the dialogs. Vocabulary worthy of an English Ph.D. in Formula 1 speed. Who the fuck talks like that?!

Ok, let me reiterate that: what teenager talks like that? Or: Who talks like that and is not a pretentious douchebag?

If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me illustrate it:

"DAWSON: In the best, most desirable way -- you scare me. But I love the way you scare me but it makes me nervous and then I say or do something really stupid so I spend all this energy coming up with ideas to be smart so that you don't think I'm stupid and those ideas inherently backfire therefore making me look more stupid. It's a vicious circle, Jen and I'm at the end of my rope because all I really want to do is kiss you and feel if I don't kiss you soon I'm gonna explode."

"JOEY: What you’re telling me is that you’re the innocent victim of some behavioral psychology experiment gone horribly awry?
PACEY: Yes.
JOEY: And you’re desperately in need of some able-bodied female to help you provoke some preconditioned, Pavlovian homework response?

PACEY: Yes."

"JOEY: Your girlfriend offers her lips to you in the spirit of teenage lust and you'd rather watch the "E! True Hollywood Story" on Danny Bonaduce for the fourth time?"

Yeah, 15-year-olds use words like “inherently”, “behavioral psychology”, “able-bodied female”, “preconditioned Pavlovian response”, “the spirit of teenage lust” all the time. C'mon, teenagers don't even know the meaning of those words, most of the time. Granted, I used to talk like that when I was 14, 15. But I was an extremely pedantic teen, so there you have it.

And still, whenever I catch it on TV, I watch it – wholeheartedly. Can't tell you exactly why. But I guess it's Pacey, I just find him so charming! No wonder Joey picked him in the end – who would wanna stay with whiny, annoying Dawson?! 


Not to mention that the actor who played Dawson, James Van Der Beek, did nothing worthy of notice after this show - while the others went on to do other stuff: 

- Joshua Jackson (Pacey) starred in those Duck movies about hockey (ok, perhaps that's not what success is about...), and now is one of the main characters in "Fringe"; 

- Michelle Williams (Jen) married Heath Ledger (it doesn't get better than that), and was nominated three times for an Oscar - man, she played Marilyn Monroe on the big screen! And she actually won a Golden Globe; 

- Katie Holmes (Joey)... well, we all know about her, right? She's Mrs. Cruise now, she appears in movies every now and then, and she's got the most annoying Hollywood child ever. She may not be the best actress nowadays, but she's definitely a celebrity;

- James Van Der Beek... meh.

Anyway, there you have them: my 7 guilty pleasures. They're so guilty they almost feel like the 7 deadly sins, really. And we know what the forbidden fruit tastes like!

But you know. God forbid I ever tell any of those things to one of my friends, face to face!

You gotta love the Internet.

Admitting Guilty Pleasures II

 4. Boy bands

Their time is long long gone, along with my teenage years. Those bands started falling apart, and each of the singers went after their solo careers (or NASA careers – yes, I'm looking at you, Lance Bass. What the hell were you thinking? NASA, seriously?! Yeah, right, you can sing Bye bye bye to that).

They all sang pretty well and the music in itself was always either rather groovy or quite pretty. But C'MON, have you listened to the lyrics?

The Backstreet Boys' I want It That Way: “You are my fire, the one desire, believe when I say, I want it that way”.

We've Got It Goin' On? “Jam on cause Backstreet's got it, come on now everybody we've got it goin' on”.

Incomplete: “Empty spaces fill me up with holes, distant faces with no place left to go”. How clever!

'N Sync's I Need Love: “I need love, you need love, we all really need love. All I want, all I need, we all really need love”.

Tearing Up My Heart: “It's tearing up my heart when I'm with you, but when we are apart, I feel it too, and no matter what I do I feel the pain, with or without you.” #U2feelings?

5ive's Everybody Get Up: “Everybody get up, singing 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 will make you get down now!” Yeah sure, whatever British dudes.

And don't even get me started on Westlife.

No matter how well they sing those songs, the lyrics always remind me of a wine tasting session: whiny and cheesy. Those songs only talk about three things: a) a girl the singer loves but can't have – she's either friend-zoned him, or she's dating some jackass; b) a girl who left him cause of some stupid mistake he made, and now the singer's begging her to come back; c) a girl he used to love and now hates cause she left him (usually for some other guy with more money).

However, there's a reason why I know their lyrics well enough to write them down without having to google them. I still have all of them in my iPod, and yes, I still listen to them. Just yesterday I was cleaning up while singing It's Gonna Be Me. I like to listen to those horribly tacky songs, and I like to sing along, and make faces while at it.

In my iPod, all of those boy band songs are in a folder called “Things I'm not proud of”. But they're all there. And when the Backstreet Boys came to Brazil last year, I went to their show. Proudly. Or almost.

Also: I still have a HUGE crush on Justin Timberlake. Britney seriously lost the best catch in Hollywood. 

3. High School Musical

VanessaHudgens HAS to be one of the most annoying actresses I've ever seen. Her pretty face is too small, her voice is too pitchy, and everything she says sounds annoyingly self-righteous. Besides, her character in the movie, Gabriella, is ridiculously exasperating: she's pretty, she's part of the scholastic decathlon team, she can sing well, she's incapable of harming anyone, or saying anything mean, she's C'MON! If there's one thing Hollywood producers, executives and screen writers have yet to learn is this: perfect protagonists are impossible to empathize with. We like to see flawed characters, characters that mirror ourselves. Which is why most people end up rooting for the villain or the underdog rather than the hero/heroine of the story. A thoroughly nice beautiful girl that can do everything perfectly is definitely not the mirror of the average Jane.

Same thing goes for Zac Efron's character, Troy: he's abusively handsome, a nice son, a nice friend, a nice student, a nice boyfriend, the complete jock, captain of the basketball team, he can sing well, AND he's got loads of charisma (something Vanessa Hudgens definitely lacks). Again, not your average Joe.

The premise of the movie is also kind of stupid: Troy and Gabriella's friends have a hard time understanding that they have other interests? They can't accept the fact that those kids might be interested in something else other than playing basketball/studying Math? What kind of world is that where people can only like and be good at one thing??

And yet, I've seen the three movies, I've got the complete soundtrack in my iPod, and I can sing almost every song. And I have a blast every time I watch the movies/listen to the songs. A few things that occur to me in my defense: 1. Zac Efron is really handsome and charismatic; 2. the songs are nice to sing along; 3. the “villains” are funny as hell; 4. it's better for a child or a teenager to be watching this than some movie full of violence and sex. Am I right?

To be continued...

Admitting Guilty Pleasures

The other day I was watching TV – and feeling terribly ashamed of myself.

We all like stuff that friends and significant others think silly: I've already dated a guy who thought Agatha Christie was everything that is wrong in Literature; a friend of mine hates Nirvana; my boyfriend won't even go near a Disney movie.

Nevertheless, I love Agatha Christie, Nirvana is my favorite band, and I watch Disney movies all the time. Because while those people might not like that stuff, I do. I think Agatha Christie created great stories and wrote them well; Nirvana composed awesome songs, and the band played them all really well (well, perhaps not live); and Disney movies are amazingly well-made. I'm not ashamed to say I like those things. It's simply a case of “different strokes for different folks”, and that's fine.

But then, we all have our guilty pleasures. Something we know it's bad – badly written, or composed, or filmed or thought of, or whatever – but still enjoy. Stuff we rarely admit we like, that we might even trash in front of our friends!, but that we also secretly enjoy, no matter how ridiculous it is.

Thus, I've gathered here a list with my guilty pleasures. I thought of listing 10 of them, like most lists do – but then, I don't play by the rules. I'm a maverick. Hence, I'll be treating you to a list of my 7 guiltiest pleasures.

It might also be due to the fact that I simply couldn't think of 10 things. Anyway:

7. Gossip Girl (the novel)

When the TV series was announced, all those years ago, I thought to myself: “I see. Another series about ridiculously rich teens, who have no sense of reality whatsoever, and make big dramas out of nothing. Just like Beverly Hills 90210 and The O.C.

...I MUST SEE IT!”

I was not disappointed. It was everything I expected – nay, hoped it would be: beautiful 25-year-olds playing high-school teens, money all around, houses I'll never have, overpriced clothes and DRAMA. I was instantly addicted to it.

However, there's a HUGE difference between allowing yourself to watch a TV show on cable (you pay for the cable tv, and the show comes with the package, what can you do?) and going to a bookstore, finding the book, willingly taking it to the cashier, and paying money for it. I took that book with me wherever I went, and did not put it down till I was finished.

But, truth be told, I was extremely ashamed of opening it near people I knew! From the heights of my literary knowledge, I look down on stuff like that. It's instinctive: I know I'm supposed to despise such things. But... all that drama! It's so enticing! How could I not be attracted to it?!

Notwithstanding the siren's spell, I've managed to read it only once, and not look for the sequels. Phew! Crisis averted!

6. Reality Shows

I know, I know: they ARE everything that is wrong with television nowadays. Still, there's a reason why they're successful: people love watching other human beings stuck in awful situations, and making drama where there's none. Which is why most people enjoy a god old soap opera. And a reality show is even better than a soap opera, because it's got real people in it! O.o

I actually refuse to watch shows like Big Brother and Survivor. I think there's no good reason to put yourself through all those indignities. Oh, money? Is that what you're after? Then go get yourself a job, like the rest of us. 

As for dating shows, like The Bachelor... well, here's where things get shady for me. I entirely disapprove of both the premise and the execution of it – but still catch myself watching it from time to time.

But THEN, we have things like American Idol, The X Factor, So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, Runway Project, The Glee Project, etc. etc. etc. Shows on which people gotta have real talent in order to win. I can totally get behind that. It's entertaining for us, and good for them (I guess). And I do love a good singing competition! (Though now that Simon and Paula have left American Idol, there's no reason to keep watching it. The thing now is The X Factor, am I right?). Top Chef is also really interesting – but I don't keep track of it: it makes me hungry. And even though I don't watch Glee either, I LOVED The Glee Project! And those girls on America's Next Top Model are too good to miss: they CRY when they get a haircut! They actually think they've lost their identities! They're like “I don't know who I am anymore...”! Still, the photo shoot sessions are great to watch, and the pictures are beautiful.

And the dearest show in my heart: So You Think You Can Dance. God, how I love that show. Can't wait for next year.

But yeah, it's hard to tell that to most of my friends... I usually get laughed at. [sighs]

5. 27 Dresses

I used to love Grey's Anatomy (I'm very partial to hospital dramas as well), and Katherine Heigl's character was my favorite. Then, she started appearing on romantic comedies, and I thought “hey, great! Lemme watch that one, what's the tagline?... Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Huh. Ok, let's see”. The fact that standing by her side was James Marsden, aka Cyclops, aka the prince from Enchanted, aka one of my biggest crushes ever, was another reason to watch said film. "From the screenwriter of The Devil Wears Prada" didn't hurt either.

Is it original? No. Does it convey any special message? Nah. Is the acting particularly mind-blowing? Nope. And nowadays, I don't even like Katherin Heigl that much, she's turned out to be somewhat of an insensitive bitch who chooses to play the same role in different films – most of them, soul-crushing bad films.

But I can't stop watching “27 Dresses”! Damn it!

Maybe it's James Marsden, I don't know. He sure makes everything better just by existing and looking the way he does. And when he moves, my heart totally skips a beat.

But the thing is: whenever I'm switching channels, and I stumble on 27 Dresses, I stop to watch it. Until the freaking end. Because it's 27 Dresses. I've got the DVD, but I'm gonna watch it on tv anyway.

But if you're a friend of mine and ask me what I think about the movie, I'll tell you right away: “God, does that movie suck or what?!”.

To be continued...

Saving Ferris

I found out a couple of days ago my 16-year-old cousin had never watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off. 

Dude. What are they TEACHING these kids nowadays??? He'd never even heard of it! Nor had he heard of Breakfast Club! I suddenly realized there must be thousands of teenagers out there who have no idea who John Hughes was! (May his soul rest in peace) How's that even possible?

So, I told him he was gonna download the movie for us to watch - and so he did. And there was no better way to start 2011!

(Not to mention that someone had to teach my poor cousin how to skip school.)

Ferris has got to be the most adorable rogue ever. He decides to ditch school (which, honestly, is a lesser evil, specially when you're just about to graduage), lies to his more than caring and trusting parents, lies to a schoolful of people, getting them all worried about his health, "steals" his best friend's father's beloved car - and almost drives said best friend into complete insanity in the process - lies about who he is and threatens a maitre d' into getting them a table, and disturbs half the neighborhood in his attempt to get home before his sister.

And yet, you can't help but love him.

He's adored by everyone; even his ever spiteful sister bends to his charm in the end - even if it is rather the work of Charlie Sheen's charm at the police station!

What is it about the Ferris Bueller's of the world?

If you're not Ferris, you need to be friends with one. I knew one while growing up - still do, actually. He remains one of my best friends to this day, and calls me"sister". He was the boy next door, and I'd be way too boring a person if it weren't for him.

Everyone in the neighborhood loved him - except, of course, for the Ed Rooneys and Jean Buellers of life, who couldn't come to terms with the fact that he is likeable the way they'll never be; that people are drawn to him and naturally follow him; that he is one of the few who know how to truly appreciate what life gives you.
And when he got into into my school, everyone loved him as well (that kinda made me cool by association, by the way), including teachers and janitors, and doormen and the cafeteria ladies. He just has something that no one can resist.

My Ferris Bueller taught me how to climb trees, ride a skateboard, play volleyball and cards; he showed me how to better read people, and how not to take shit from anyone; he introduced me to rock n' roll, and cried when I moved out of town.

But most importantly, he was the first one to ever tell me to loosen up. 

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

When you do remember to look around and loosen up, you become a whole different person.

Yeah, it's important not to ditch school, and it's not nice to lie to people who care about you. But it is important to stop and look around, to live it up. Sometimes, we need to take that Ferrari out of the garage. We need to say we're Abe Froman, the sausage king of Chicago, and stick to it no matter what! We should sing in the shower, and we should go to a museum and see priceless works of art.

Otherwise, we might end up being the hypochondriac guy, stuck in the bedroom, afraid of life itself. The "young man who doesn't think he's seen anything good today ".

Or much worse: you could end up being the guy making the roll call - "Bueller?... Bueller?... Bueller?..." - and lecturing about boring stuff to uninterested students - "Anyone?... Anyone?...".

So my advice for 2011, and for the years to come: even if you don't know what you're gonna do with your life, just take part in that parade, grab the mike and sing "Twist and Shout" as loud as you can. Odds are everyone will burst into song with ya!

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("You're still here? It's over. Go home. Go.")

Bursting into song

"I hate it."
I looked at him, utterly shocked. "You... WHAT?"
"I hate movies where people burst into song, can't stand them."
"What's wrong with you?"
My friend M.H. is crazy, pft. I LOVE musicals. Can't get enough of them. And today, after I got back home from work, I decided to watch one of my fave movies ever: The Sound of Music.

It was the first musical I ever watched - well, not counting Disney classics. My parents loved to try and make me love the same movies they did - sometimes it worked, at other times not so much. But one fine night dad came home with The Sound of Music for me to watch, and I was immediately fascinated by all those people singing right and left. Not to mention the story's pretty enticing in itself, and they got some great dialogs, very witty. And I remember wanting to be like Liesl, Captain Von Trapp's eldest daughter, when I grew up.
Needless to say, I look NOTHING like a 16-year-old Austrian Girl from the 30's - with my being Brazilian and all, with native Brazilians as grandparents.
Point is: I love those singing Austrians, I really really do. And the speed at which the Von Trapp children learn how to sing never ceases to amaze me. I mean, seriously? They go up to Maria and say: "we don't know any songs, we don't even know how to sing"; then she sings the magic "Do-Re-Mi" song, and all of a sudden, they're a singing phenomenon?! Dude!!
And Rolfe, the telegram boy - could he be ANY gayer?! Nothing against it, far from it, but Liesl should've realized that guy was really not into it. The Nazi thing was just an excuse to get out of it. There's the girl, throwing herself at him, wanting to kiss him... and he pushes her aside and goes "Your life, little girl, is an empty stage...". C'mon Liesl, wake up and smell the flowers.
I love all the songs, even though the whole thing is extremely farfetched. Really: Maria and the Captain finally admit their love for each other, they kiss - it's most likely Maria's first kiss ever, and what does she do? Does she take the time to enjoy it? Nooooo, she bursts into song about her wicked childhood. I'm like "Sister, zip it! Really not the time!"

I caught myself wondering whether she sings in bed too. You know, while AT IT. I wouldn't be surprised! That must be such a turn off for the poor Cap.

But that's the thing about musicals: the burst-into-song thing rarely makes any kind of sense. I mean, no one in real life - at least no one I know - is capable of coming up with wonderful songs out of the blue, not even people who deal with music in some way or another for a living. And when the characters start DANCING together in a perfect coreography?! My eyes sparkle and all! I mean, take Grease for instance.
"What did you do over the summer?" Cue song about summer love - and in no time they're all dancing on the benches.
"Let's pimp this ride!" Cue song about the Grease Lightning, and John Travolta dancing around said car.
"I turned into a jock for you!" "And I turned into some kind of slut for you!" Cue "You're the one that I want", and they all start dancing to it.

I dare anyone to say Singing in the Rain is a bad movie. Whenever I'm really happy, I look up at the sky in the hope I'll see some drops of rain, so that I'll be able to sing and frolic in it! And whenever someones mentions anything about diction, I just wanna sing "Moses Supposes".

Do these things happen in real life? No, they do not! And that's the beauty of it! Wanna see reality? Tune to CNN then. Rio de Janeiro was all caught up in a kind of civil war last week, and things got real tense around here. We have our daily share of reality everyday - there's no harm in seeing people singing and dancing about, I don't know, getting someone else a glass of water! If everybody burst into song and danced more often, the world would be such a better place to live in. According to Fraulein Maria, all you gotta do is know the notes: "When you know the notes to sing, you can sing most anything!"